I am so fucking sick of being me. I try to do what's right. I try to make wise decisions. I try to be nice to people. I try to be a good friend, mother, daughter, sister, employee, etc. But life bites me in the ass every frickin time I turn around. Frankly, I'm tired of it.
I'm sick and tired of being me. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of being lonely. I'm tired of pretending that I'm happy. I'm sick and tired of making bad desions. I'm sick of worring. I'm tired of working my ass off and never getting anywhere. I'm tired of being broke. I'm sick of not being able to pay my bills. I don't spend on ANYTHING other than food, gas and bills. I'm tired of unexpected expenses. I'm tired of stress at work. I'm sick and tired of bullshit I can't control. I'm tired of being a burden. I'm tire of not being able to help. I'm tired of worring about everything I say and do. I'm tired of feeling like shit. I'm tired of self medicating. I'm sick and tired of pretending I give a shit. I'm just fucking tired of everything.
And if it weren't for Andrea and Lisa, I'd go write a bad check to buy a canoe, and I'd plop that sucker in the pacific and head west until a storm or lack of food and water took it's toll. (With my luck, I'd make it all the way to the shores of some 3rd world armpit.)
And ya know what else. I KNOW damn good and well that I should not post this. I know that this is just another bad decision I am making. But what the hell,... I'm on a roll.
7 CLICK HERE - TO COMMENT!:
I'm sorry {{{HUGS!!!}}}. Maybe a little trip home to be with family is what the dr. ordered! Love you!
Oh sister. I do believe you are at rock bottom. So the only way to go is UP, right?? Things will turn around.
I know you don't want to hear it, but Portland is a *very* expensive place to live. Portland's cost of living is almost 20% higher than the national average. Spokane's is almost 5% LESS than the nat'l. average. Move to Spokane!!
If what you're doing isn't working, it might be time to do something different. Just sayin'.
http://spokane.craigslist.org/ret/2806718668.html
(That's a job announcement for a full-time Nursery Purchaser.)
Oh sister, that breaks my heart. I have to agree with Kate that you're probably paying more for the Portland experience than you should be. Maybe we can all talk about it when you get here - only a few more days. Until then, please don't buy a canoe...
I love you.
ACK! That job Kate sent sounds FANTASTIC!
I am so sorry. You do sound as if you are at the bottom and SOMETHING will get better, even if gradually. Please ----no canoe. At one time you thought sailing to the Arctic was not wise. Don't do that either.
I love you, WE love you.
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